I recently wrote a letter to my 12-year-old self with
advice, warnings, and other things I wish I could go back in time and tell
myself. It was an interesting
experience, because if I could have in fact gone back in time to give myself
advice, I had to wonder if it would have changed who and where I am today. I decided that I wouldn’t tell myself things
to change the future (or I guess my present), but maybe prepare myself mentally
for some of it.
Then I thought, “I may be happy where I am right now, but
what would 12-year-old Stacey think of me?”
That really got me thinking, about where I thought I would be at this
age, what I thought I would be doing, and why I’m ok with it right now. At age 12, I thought by the time I was 27, I would be in California, acting. I
thought I would have a couple of kids by now.
I thought, as every kid thinks, that I would be rich. I thought I would be thin and healthy. I thought I would have a tall, handsome and
suave husband.
Interesting.
When I look at myself today, I’m half disappointed and half
content. I still want to act, it’s in my
blood, and I’m pretty sure it’ll never go away.
At this time, though, I’m confident that I can still get into it, just
in a different way than I‘d thought at 12.
I’m about 50lbs over what the BMI scale says I should be. I have chronic pain that makes weight gain a
constant struggle. Despite that, I still
haven’t given up on trying to be healthy.
I’ve been working on eating healthy and taking vitamins and exercising. As surprising as it would be to 12-year-old
Stacey, I love exercising. My husband
may not be tall, and he may not be as handsome as I had imagined, but he makes
up for all of that with his dedication and sacrifice for me. I think me at 12 would appreciate that. I’m not in a hurry to have kids, and probably
won’t ever, and while I think that would be the greatest shock of all to Past Me,
obviously she’d understand eventually.
I started wondering where I will be in another 15 years, who
I will be, and what I will be doing. If
42-year-old Stacey showed up today to give me advice on my near future, what
would I think of her? Will she have
gotten a hold on her health? Will she
have gotten a career in line? Will she
be fat or thin? Will she be where I am
now, just 15 years older? Would 27-year-old
me be disappointed in her... and how do I keep that from happening?
