DeedleeDee

I’ve been meaning to write a new blog, but my life has been a little topsy-turvy lately, and I didn’t know where to start. First things first I suppose:

Zach got a new job, only a few months after he got laid off. I cannot express how grateful I am for that, because we never had to dip into our “Just-in-case” savings account, and so many people are having such a difficult time finding jobs. He ended up taking a 1 year contract with IBM that pays more than he was making before he was laid off. The extra money means we can finish the projects around the house we had put off because of cost. The contract means that Zach has a year to find a new job, in case they don’t renew his contract next year. Unfortunately, Zach can’t get health insurance or vacation time because it’s just a contract position. Hopefully, he can find a new job with benefits before the contract runs out. Thankfully, he also seems to like the job enough that this year won’t be miserable for him.

I joined a sewing circle with Zach’s grandma and aunt, and a few of the ladies from his aunt’s church. Sometimes, my mother-in-law takes the day off to join us too. I think it’s good for me. The group has only met a few times so far and I’m already feeling more accomplished with projects I’ve wanted to work on. I’ve got two new sock animals done, I made a dress for the 1940’s WWII Ball Zach and I attended last weekend(which was a blast, I forgot all my problems for one evening), and I’m getting ready to start a cute retro apron. I think after that, I’m going to make another dress. I think it’s fun!

Staceyland had been nearing completion to the full extent it is capable. I could see and feel my eyes coming back to life. Just as hurricane and tornado-ravaged towns will always have reminders of the devastation, cracked foundations and other small reminders that you have to know are there to be able to see them, so is Staceyland scarred. I am choosing not to cover these imperfections, but set up memorials of the time I spent forgetting who I was, a reminder of what can happen if I’m not careful.

Unfortunately, I’ve been dealt another blow, and it’s family related, so I don’t have the luxury of removing myself from the drama. I feel as though I’ve been under rapid-fire attack for a few years now by some unseen force, as crazy as that may sound. Every time I make the tiniest progress in Staceyland, something explodes in my life and I have to take a time-out from everything. I’ve been having trouble sleeping again, and when I can sleep I’ve been having nightmares again. I’m taking medicine almost every day for pain again. I’m falling behind on my to-do list again. I’m losing my vocabulary again. I’m edging toward the “D” word again. I think even my weight is creeping up again. I’m not sure what to do about all of it.

I’m so tired of talking about the family problems right now, I won’t even bother explaining them in detail. Let’s just say my father and I are no longer on speaking terms, and although he is clearly the “bad guy” in all of this, I somehow appear to be the pariah of the family. I never knew standing up for your mother was such a horrible act… silly me (excuse my sarcasm). I’ve never been averse to airing my dirty laundry, and really I don’t care much for privacy (I have trust issues), and though I understand that some people feel the need to hide or cover up their bad deeds and the reprehensible actions of the ones they love I cannot for the life of me follow suit, no matter how embarrassed or ashamed I may be by the truth.

I’m making a list of everything I believe in and a list of everything I don’t believe in. I think when they’re finished, I will post them here.