Serenading in the Moonlight

So much has happened, but I don't feel like writing about any of it. I have nothing profound to say. All I want is to sit in my loneliness, my envy, my aching body, and cry. I realize that this is just a moment of sadness, a blip on the radar. I have been having more good days than bad days lately, but during those times I find myself too busy to write about them. It always seems that I take the bad things in my life and replay them over and over, all the while reminiscing about the good times and feeling sorrow for their departure. It is easy to focus on the wrongs in my life, my misery, and for me, it is easier to write when I am sad. My journals are always morose, bleak in the worst way. I never realized before just how hard it is for me to record the good in my life. The way I see it, there are a couple of reasons as to why I do that. Number 1: I don't feel as though I deserve the happy things, and I metaphorically self-flagellate by ignoring the positives. Number 2: I feel more comfortable with negativity. It is something I grew up constantly hearing. This is a behavior I have been working hard to overcome. I hope I succeed.