Follow Me Up

I wrote my last blog at about 11:30-midnight last night, and reading it back I realized I didn't say everything I had wanted to say... I'm going for ultimate transparency with this, because I want people to know I have nothing to hide.

While what I had done is considered "plastic surgery", I saw it as similar to getting a birth mark, mole, or cyst removed... just more intensive (although I do realize moles can become cancerous, so it's more of a health thing). It's the only part of me I am willing to change with surgery.  I could cover up a pouchy tummy with cute clothes, I could tone my arms, wear a padded bra (definitely don't need one of those!) but I couldn't cover my neck, at least not without drawing more attention to it.

I can remember looking at pictures of myself at 15 in Disney World, seeing my bullfrog neck, and thinking "Who's that middle-aged lady... oh, it's me." and feeling disgusted.  I tried doing neck exercises, I tried holding it in, I even tried wrapping my head in cling-wrap and Preparation H to make it go away, all to no avail.

I learned how to pose for pictures to make my double chin minimally visible.  If I wasn't happy with a picture, I would have it deleted or retaken.  I NEVER posted a picture on Facebook that showed my neck fat.  I learned how to hold my head forward and suck in my bullfrog neck by putting my tongue to the roof of my mouth.  I now have a curve on my upper back from holding my head forward all the time.  Not to mention, I looked ridiculous doing it.

 This surgery had nothing to do with weight loss.  I have lost weight in the past, and the neck never went away.  While I am at the highest weight range I've ever been, and have been hovering here for several years, I can accept my weight because I work hard at healthy behaviors.  I fully intend to continue in my quest to be healthy by eating well and exercising as much as I can handle physically.  I've even considered starting a blog on my trial and error to get fit with chronic pain.  What I don't expect is to lose much weight.

I think that's all I had to say.  I'm ready to move forward now.